Naughty or good? How Santa decides which politicians get Christmas items – POLITICO

Guess who’s again?

Sure, it’s that point of yr once more. Don’t get me flawed, I like Christmas — however this job will get more durable because the years go by: lengthy hours, no breaks and the pay is horrible (milk and cookies! Who will get paid in meals lately?). 

However somebody’s gotta do it — these presents gained’t magically ship themselves on Christmas Eve!

And it’s not simply kids who get items, the world’s politicians do too — a minimum of those I deem to have been good over the earlier yr.

Talking of politicians, I’ve stored a detailed eye on the COP28 negotiations in Dubai, as (between you and me) I’m fairly grateful for local weather change. Do you have got any thought how chilly it will get up there within the sky in December as I fly round in my sleigh? The reindeer preserve threatening to go on strike if I don’t set up some sort of heating system. Not less than now, the evening winter winds are a bit hotter.

I do know the kids are all up in arms concerning the planet warming, however I’m an outdated man and I’ve my opinions #sorrynotsorry. (Did I do this proper? Mrs. Claus taught me about hashtags, so I assumed I’d attempt utilizing them.)

Proper — now it’s time to undergo my record of leaders and see in the event that they deserve a present for Christmas. I don’t examine the record twice, by the way in which, that’s simply what the music says.

Up first is a straightforward resolution …. Vladimir from Russia.

That’s a no-fly zone if I’ve ever seen one. And never as a result of I’m frightened about missiles — human expertise can’t detect me — it’s that the roofs in Purple Sq. have at all times been too pointy for me. I’m not a fan of wars both, they only don’t look like a good suggestion. After which there’s the entire Yeygeny Prigozhin enterprise, very messy.

So no presents for Vladimir this Christmas — both from me or my Russian cousin, Ded Moroz. Like final Christmas and the one earlier than that.

Subsequent on the record is Volodymyr. Shocked he didn’t ask for a brand new sweater — however really his record merely asks for an excellent evening’s sleep. You and me each, pal! You’re on the great record.

Subsequent is Olaf from Germany. I do know a snowman by that identify, so I suppose you possibly can say I’ve a tender spot for Olaf, and that’s most likely why he makes it onto the great record.

So let’s give Olaf what he desires … cash. He actually wants money to repair the large gap within the German authorities’s price range.

It’s normally round this level within the night that I head south for heat, and Greece is at all times an excellent choice.

Kyriakos could make the great record, I suppose, as he didn’t actually ask for a lot: just a few outdated marbles again. Appears honest sufficient to me. I gained’t steal them for him although — I’m Santa, not a prison! — so I can solely provide ethical help.

Let’s see, who’s subsequent? Now, that is an fascinating one. 

Giorgia from Italy requested for a e-book. The Italian prime minister desires a replica of “Uno, nessuno, centomila” by Luigi Pirandello. That’s an excellent examine the concept that everybody has a number of personalities. I suppose she desires to be taught extra about the way to current completely different faces to completely different individuals — good luck remembering who you actually are after that!

I simply hope she’ll perceive this e-book, she appeared a bit confused concerning the that means of the Tolkien novel she requested for a couple of years in the past.

Let’s cross the Alps. Manu’s subsequent.

Cheeky fellow, that French chief. I by no means know the place to place him, is he naughty or good? Robust one.

And he’s requested for a friendship bracelet, to provide to Viktor in Hungary. He appears to have a liking for dangerous boys, does Emmanuel. The friendship bracelet he gave to Vladimir in Russia didn’t work out so nicely. Good on him for not giving up although.

I’ve received to get to Brussels now, to somebody who lives in her workplace. Ursula, I feel she’s referred to as. I’m very dangerous with names. 

She’s requested for one thing unusual: a stuffed wolf. Not simply any wolf, however a quite particular Canis lupus generally known as GW950m. I feel he’s nonetheless alive, in order that feels a bit unethical. Let’s skip that request.

My closing cease in Europe is the UK the place Boris desires a toy bus.

I don’t suppose those he builds himself are significantly good, so maybe he wants a mannequin to be taught from. However then once more, does he ever comply with directions?

Whereas it’s good to see he realized to express regret out loud, that gained’t repair all of the messes he’s made. He’s nonetheless on my naughty record — so overlook the bus, mate. Maybe subsequent yr.

And guess what Rishi has requested for? Additionally a toy bus.

What are the possibilities? I ponder if he wants to check a strategy to ship immigrants to different nations by land now that his Rwanda plan is trying unsure.

Phew, that was exhausting. I must look into hiring a helper. Even members of the European Parliament get assistants. And MEPs hardly do any work.

I’m off to the opposite aspect of the Atlantic, the place a great deal of random requests have come. Somebody referred to as Donald desires a yr’s provide of orange basis as a gift. However I’ll allow you to guess which record I’ve put him on.

Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus was chatting with POLITICO’s Giulia Poloni.